Whod you bang
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
