How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
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