So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
