ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
