Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
