i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
