just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
