Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
