...so i touched it.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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