who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
