Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
im holly from the hills drunk
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
