She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
