Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
