I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
