Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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