You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
