This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
