He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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