hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
