I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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