dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
