Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
