Yo dont text me then not text me
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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