awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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