I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
