Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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