Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
