K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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