We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
