guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
