Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
