I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
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