and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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