Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
