Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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