I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
