Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
