My friends, they love my intelligence
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
