Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
