I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
