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3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
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