I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm getting married
To pizza
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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