found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Randomize
