His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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