1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
