I'm so fucking centered right now
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
