"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
