so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
