just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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