I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
